What I Did Last Sunday

(from left to right: Megan, Mindy, Kim, & Kara)

I was just thinking the other day about how I've only known some of my closest friends for about a year now. Doesn't that seem weird? But seriously, it took me until I was in my 30s to realize who I was, put that person out there, and then make new friends. I'm talking specifically about my knitting friends. We have only been hanging out for a little over a year, and yet it feels as though we have known each other for a lifetime. That's what I call good friends.

So some of us knitting girls got together this past Sunday for a night of dining and dyeing at Mindy's. Mindy is our resident expert dyer. She even has an Etsy Shop at YarningYenta.etsy.com, where she dyes up awesome self-striping yarn with a Muppet theme.

Here's what the rest of us dyed:

Megan dyed some roving from a friend

Kara dyed some sparkly yarn

Kim dyed some bamboo roving

and I dyed some wool roving from Kim

Kim is our resident expert spinner (we need experts in all areas, right?) Apparently Kim has volunteered to spin up everyone's roving. Can't wait to see what they look like!

A Little Bit of Everything

My mania continues, and so my knitting ADHD does as well. First, though, a pic of me wearing Josephine. Didn't she turn out lovely? I wore her to Knit Night at Knitorious this past Wednesday, and had Mindy take a picture before we went.

I am diligently working on Elann's Voyager Lace Stole in Malabrigo Silky Merino, which I will be wearing as one of the bridesmaids in Mindy's wedding.

It takes me about 35 minutes to finish a 10 row repeat. I estimated that if I do a lace repeat every day, I should be done by October 3. As of today, I am already working on this coming Wednesday's repeat. I really worked a lot on it last night and this morning so I could finally join my fourth (and last) ball of yarn. I've been listening to my podcasts while knitting, which I really enjoy.

However, I keep getting distracted by casting on new projects. First came my second Rusted Root. You may remember the first one I knit I gave to my sister Cindy. I decided it turned out so well, I wanted to make one for myself! I had some Debbie Bliss Cathay in my stash. Even though I love the color and I think the Cathay looks beautiful once knit, I think it is a pain to knit with. I am finding that it is extremely splitty. I actually thought that about the Debbie Bliss Baby Cashmerino that I used for Cindy's Misty Garden scarf as well. You'd think I'd have learned not to use Debbie Bliss. But I can't help it - it's so pretty!

The second project I casted on this week was the Rainy Day Socks. This pattern originally appeared in the now defunct MagKnits, but is now on the Knotions website instead. I'm using Earthly Hues Saplings in Peace, which I got from The Loopy Ewe. I guess I needed some instant gratification, and since these socks are knit in sportweight yarn, I'm definitely seeing results. Plus, I really needed something I could carry around in my purse, since I try to take knitting to my group every day. Although I should be working on the stole non-stop, it is getting a little too big to carry around in my purse. It's funny, everyone at group is always interested in what I am knitting, and a lot of them scold me when I'm working on something other than the stole!

Dear Diary

So I've decided to change things up a bit here. I'll continue to blog about knitting and crafty stuff, I promise. But I'm also going to use this as a space to write about my Bipolar Disorder (BPD) as well. I really need a place to put some things down, and so why not share it with the Internet universe? Of course I will not take it personally if you skim right through the "Dear Diary" posts and go to the knitting pictures...

As some of you may know, I have been in a partial hospitalization program for the last 3 weeks. I had apparently been going downhill for a while, but pretty much refused to see it for what it was. I am one of those people who tries to ignore the problem, sometimes to the point of pretending it doesn't even exist. I am learning in my program that ignorance is not bliss when it comes to BPD. I had been missing work on a fairly regular basis (yes, at my new job,) and yet I kept thinking I was just being lazy or skipping simply because "I felt like it," rather than the real reason, which was "I couldn't get out of bed."

I know I have BPD, and have actually had the diagnosis for quite a few years. I've even been in and out of hospitals and treatment programs a few times. After each one, I'd feel better and rush back into life, totally ignoring what I needed to do to keep up with my disorder on a day to day basis. Let me state the obvious: it doesn't work that way.

Now I am in a program once more. It's actually a program I was in a few years ago, and I honestly learned so much about myself last time that I figured, sure, why not try it again? The difference now is that my primary focus is to accept that I have BPD. Acceptance is the key to managing my illness. Up to this point, I didn't accept it. I didn't want it. In fact, I hated it. So I chose to shove it as far down in me as possible so I wouldn't have to think about it every day. Interestingly enough, it came up with such force that it knocked me down. I literally reached a point where I could not function any more. Thank god for good friends who are understanding and supportive, who were willing to sit with me on the phone, in the ER, and at the evaluation for the program. I am so lucky to have such great people in my life.

My meds had been changed 4 times since I started the program, and my moods have been all over the place. I think it is getting better, but since I've been sick for so long, it's difficult to know what better should really feel like. I'm still having moments of depression, and struggling through simple things. I'm also still experiencing some mania, like I have this weekend. I honestly could not sleep last night without taking a pill to relax. I feel anxious and on over-drive tonight. I was wondering on Friday, when I first felt the mania setting in, if it really was mania. (Sometimes I question if I can really tell the difference between happy and manic.) I even thought to myself that if it became uncomfortable by Sunday, I would know it was true mania. And now here I am, uncomfortable. I have this urge to do a million things, especially to be creative. So here I am, typing feverishly. I just casted on a new knitting project. I'm ready to pull out all of my beads and make jewelry. I want to learn to weave. And I have so many ideas for holiday presents for my friends that I want to work on. It's 11:15 at night people! I need to be going to bed. And yet I can't seem to calm down. So I thought I'd write to you all...